Letting go of the pain!!!

I knew I would get around to my blog today, but just wasn't ready to write this morning. I was to angry from the night before. Which as a sit back and look at my day yesterday there was no reason to be angry at all. I have known that I am a walking time bomb right now and on a rocky roller coaster. I decided I would have a few beers last night.... yea right a few beers that turned to about 7. Yea I know what i was doing masking my pain. Not wanting to feel it. I knew what was going on. I know when I am in a shitty mood then I go drink...... its not good for the person with me that night LOLOL. I am not a nice drunk LOL. So, my poor husband. I did really good all night till I got mad at him for not watching my show with me. What in the world was I thinking. I knew I wanted to be loved , but then I didn't want to be bothered. I guess we can't have it all. I feel so bad about it. IT was stupid and not called for. Then there was a full moon out there too!!!! Oh boy that is double wammie!!! I think I am not going to have any beer for awhile till this pain I am trying to let go of passes. I am ready to face it head on and I don't want any alchol or food to replace it!!! As I did ask God to help me release this pain he is doing a good job and I want it finished for the last and final time.