Here it comes!!! The slowness of my negative thoughts creaping up as the day goes by. I start out strong with this issue of being let down. To finding my thoughts starting to turn slowly. As I start to notice my shoulders rounding, my head drooping and wondering why can't I just make it go right just one time. I just want that one opportunity to help people again. Just to feel that feeling again. To see someone smile when I use my gifts of love, committment and modivation to help them succedd. As I sit here wondering why would I not believe in myself. Why would I not think I have what it takes to do that again. I start to see feel myself close off and want to hide. To not face what it is out there that is calling my name. I can't stop just because someone takes that opportunity away...... that I didn't even truly have. I have a place sitting waiting for me to use. To find those that need my help. To find those that truly know .....what I do know down deep....... is that I long to work again ....... to feel good again.......... to see myself as a true gift...... and not to doubt this anymore. I am asking god to release this pain of self doubt...and guide me to the true me. I know I am in there . I can feel my head peak out for a day, to run back in and wait on another way. By writing these blogs sure helps me see things that really do truly hurt me. One day its good, another day its not. I know once I find my way, I will be here to stay!!!
As I open my heart to those that read this blog. I thank you once again for taking the time to be there for me through my pain, through my joy, through my love of finding what I once was before. The strength to see I really have it in side of me. Will peak back out .... which I hope one day for eternity!!!
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